Like most people, I have experienced death in my life. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins have all passed away; young and old. I have a wardrobe of jet-black for the occassion. I know where all the Hmong funeral homes are in the state. I’ve traveled acros the country for services. I know of the general funeral practices. But goodness. Nothing prepared me for the death of my step-grandmother this past holiday season.
The funny thing is is that we were not that close. We were close in the sense that at family gatherings, we would greet one another and make small catch-up talk or she would hug my girls and remark how big they have gotten. But we weren’t close like talking-every-day-and-me-dropping-by-for-a-visit close.
Still. She was my grandmother. She had been my only living grandmother on my side for quite some time. It was comforting to be acknowledged by her. To see her gently teasing my girls in the way grandmothers do. To simply be in her presence at family functions.
And her sudden death (in her sleep), a day before our family Thanksgiving, definitely made it harder.
I realized I’ve been in a trance-like state since her death and funeral. I feel like with the hustle and bustle of the planning and doing, I haven’t had an opportunity to reflect and grieve. It’s been go, go, go.
So I’m finally grieving now. Almost two months since her death, almost two weeks since her service and burial. For instance, while editing her service photos, I even wondered for a second why there were pictures of everyone there but not her.
I’m still in shock and disbelief. It is true that we all grieve in our own ways and grief comes in all forms.